for+the+love+of+irony

Viscous Cycle

2010-03-10T07:29:00.000-08:00

"Give us freedom to run our lives!

It ain't cozy being caged

To be manipulated and used

This can in many ways bring rebellion.

This, my loving, dear handlers tend to lose sight

Or not given care."

I am a person

Not like its tree

A being with mind, soul, and heart

Not a thing without life and understanding

The tree tends to forget,

The fruit contains the seed,

And the seed grows into another being.

Maybe before, this person is fruit,

But now, the seed has been planted

Watered

Shown light

Grows

Later, a tree eager and ready to bear fruit stands

Another generation

Another caged-to-be individual

in the midst

A cycle, viscous and unending

Unless broken and unlearned

Muddled by terror

2009-11-16T23:31:00.000-08:00

Black, white
Yellow, brown
different races, different places
living in fear
left in the middle
in muddled faith

God forsaken land
Others might think
But they, in particular
take it as home

In anger they become beasts
But in pain they become numb
The feel of life can only be dreamed
Hell ate it all
Will it still be possible
for life to abound?
A wondering of it being a reality
rather than
a question of what to do in the midst of all terror

Heaven

2009-04-11T06:11:00.000-07:00

I know what you did last night

You took the whole of me in sight

Like a buffet you devour me with your flaming lips

Tasting the sweetness that juices from within

You dipped your naked tongue in my lagoon

Sipping the juice of which my lotus flower treasures most

You lightly stroked it like a fanning feather

You entered and experienced the warmth that waited long to be mustered

I felt, you tasted

Both in each others arms

Both in heaven

Sa Bisig

2008-11-16T07:04:00.000-08:00

Maliit at malaki
Mainit at malamig
Masaya at malungkot
'Di nag-aabot
'Di nagkakaisa
Walang ibang ibig
Kung 'di pasakit at pait

Umiwas man, ay 'di mapigilan
dahil lagi siyang andyan
Tunggaliang 'di mamataymatay
Maliban lamang
sa bisig ni Kapayapaan
Kung saan, poot at pait
ay naglalaho
unti-unti

Undecided

2008-08-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

1. pRiDe

I hate having nothing to do. Every now and then I think that people actually want to be with me just so they can use me. Currently, I'm signing my information for graduation at the room next to our office. It's funny when I stare at the blank spaces of the honors, awards, and other recognitions section. Nobody actually bothered to give me one. But try to look into the extra-curricular section, I still even need more spaces than usual to actually place every organization I am involved in.

Everybody sees you useful but nobody bothers to even recognize your efforts. Pity me, right? I might be one of those lowlifes who are driven by the thrill of pressure and work but I'm not stupid. Using is actually the name of the game.

2. Redicule

The acacia tress are perfect against the light of the early dawn. I can't imagine any ethereal feel rather than this instance of the day. "Kamishiro, oi...! Kamishiro!" "Sorry Kira," I finally was able to choke out. "You really love seeing this sight ei? I can't seem to go past your thoughts until I call you a hundred times," Kira gaily acknowledged my being dazed.

He of loss, She of life

2008-04-18T09:37:00.000-07:00

"The moon is full," he says.

"Still savoring the colorful sunset for the day," she [I] answers.

"I have only concrete under my feet, and more concrete all around me
But I can look up and see a quiet blue sky
And an even more quiet moon resisting my admiration," he tells.

"As I walk, looking at the canopy flow above my path
I feel the night breeze caressing my warm face
With the bright moon as my witness," she relates.

"The bright moon blinked
And in that heartbeat of darkness
I knew how gravely
Light has lied to me all along," he laments.

"What lie must Light tell?
To one who in solitude dwells," she inquires

"The lie that life is color," he pronounces

"See the dark waters under the bright Light of the full moon
Shimmering yellow lit the crystal surface,
A sight, innocent and pure, without lie,
Underneath this crystal surface
Life swims through the waves" she counters

"Above: Moon burning starkly, a ball of silver light.
Below: Pool of water dark in placid, mirroring hurting eyes on a gnarled face.
Inside: Stars dying slowly like embers, so grateful, so grateful," he recounts

"Above, below, and inside
All intricate components of life amidst a being's sight,
Whom seeks joy in living life," she resolves

"Even for just a heartbeat, let the world dim, make the moon blink
For the light was too much for me
A creature of darkness
Never used to seeing life in color
Afraid of seeing beauty I cannot manifest," he persists

"Why think of beauty in the world's sight?
Beauty is not of the world to judge
For it's made by the Divine
Given to all being
Both in darkness and light," she ends

Under the Shade

2008-03-18T05:11:00.000-07:00

A tree stands
Catering the needs of the birds
Instilling the shade made
Standing happily and content

A day came
The light touch of wind
Ravaged its leaves, making it bloom
In its luscious green

What beauty it is—the feeling to be loved
As the wind intricately bares the tree of its unmeshed beauty
Ever seeping with mystery
As the eye of my beloved holds within

With such certainness,
That seemed a touch of intimacy
Only spoken through the meeting of our eyes
Under the shade of dire light

You speak of love
I answered of fear
Black orbs talking of sick romance
That's true to sight but unheard to the ear

Together we stood
Watching and dreaming
In each others embrace
As moment stood still in time and space

My beloved, now moving away
I shun the dire light of the intricately content tree
For our bond was strong hidden under the shade
Now, clearly in sight, it must come to an end
For under the shade, that's all there is and will be

for me and my beloved, in each others embrace

Litanya ng Pag-asa

2008-03-18T05:09:00.000-07:00

Iniisip ng nakararaming maibsan ang hirap na dinadanas,
Ngunit, sa kalauna’y nagbubunga ng malas,
Mala-disyerto man ang dagat ng aking karimlan,
Walang musmos na makapapawi sa aking nalalaman,
Mga gintong araling ugat sa dusa ng inang bayan,
Ibig na pinagsamantalahan ang pusong nasasaktan,

Nabatobalani man ang mga pirata’t sinakop ang aking minamahal,
Kalikasan at kayamanan, nito’y nawala
Ninakaw ang araw na sa langit nahimlay, gaya ng paglamon ng kadiliman sa dapit-hapon
Hindi mapakali, hindi mapigil, kahit magbingi-bingihan,
Wala pa ring tigil,
Ako ay kailangang magsalita’t magpamulat
Nang ‘di malubugan’g araw ang kinabukasang sisikat

Hindi mo man alam kung ano’ng gumagala sa mundo,
Ikaw pa rin ay apektado,
Wala ka mang kamuwang-muwang sa isip at ibig ng iba,
Ikaw rin ay parte sa madlang abala,
Ibig mo mang isiping walang halaga,
Ang mga opinyon mo sa iba,
May karapatan kang magsalita,
Bukambibig mo’y siyang kamulatan ng karamihan.

Maselan, alam ko
Nakakatakot ipaalam ‘to
Para sa Perlas ng Silangan,
Sa aking obra ibubunyag,
Mga taksil sa bayang sinisilayan,
Ito’y pagsamantalahan at kagat-labing suriin,
Matakot man ang iba’y ‘wag tumabi
Dahil batid mo ang ‘di makitang kaguluhan
Sa iyong pagmulat sa katotohanan

Sa dagok ng kapalaran,
Ikaw ngayon ay saksi na rin
Isang mata ng lipunang naghihingalo sa mga pasanin,
Ngayon, ikaw ay isa na sasaklaw sa madlang agaw-buhay ang sitwasyon
Saklaw ka sa mga matang nakikita na ang katotohanan
Saklaw kang maging isa sa labanan
Saklaw ka sa mga taong lumalaban
Sa nag-iisa nating Perlas ng Silangan.

Covers

2008-03-18T05:06:00.000-07:00

Darkness, soothes and refreshes
Nullifying the feeling of bitterness, hate, and loss embrace
The poisoning hurt of anonymity and blunt resilience
Fully counters the light
Slowly fading into the covers of the darkest blue

Darkness, why can’t I be one with you?
Full of emptiness, relentless sickened existence
Paving the path lighted for me, engulfed by the shadows
Under it, the outlines, unclear and demeaning
With broken chords, unsung love songs and lost love residing in utter seclusion

Bird at the Alcove

2008-03-18T05:03:00.000-07:00

Pains, sufferings, and curiosities, contained
Never free to fly out, discover, and see
So eyes of shiny blankness be of living enmity
Blinded of being, that's what I be

I like to discover the world, yet they took me to a place dark and gloomy
Filled with sorrow and contempt
I was made dead of all emotion
Happiness and excitement, a mere illusion

Though hurt inflicted me
I cannot deflect
The pain caused
That’s thought to be love and revere of home

Things understandable made blurry in my sight
To decide is of their doing
To follow is what’s left, nothing more nothing less
The flight is of the essence, but the pilot is not me

Dream endlessly to be pilot, but someday can I be?
Becoming dull are my claws in the alcove I reside
I so yearns
To earn happiness and contentment in piloting the flight

Anticipation

2008-03-18T04:52:00.000-07:00

I can’t wait
The hearth inside needs to be fed
I desire for pleasure
A drive that cannot be measured

Oh, fill me with passion
A yearning to receive intense ecstasy
From dampened kisses and warm touches
Burning to the center of my between

I invite the hardness of my one love dear
Please put me at peace
My longing I can't contain
Drowning in the anticipation of your coming

Sweet dangerous pleasure
I despise
Fill me, oh hardness, forceful and strong
With dampened trails of rose bud kisses left on bared fair satin

From the power of your thrust
Your gentleness flowed
I desire now, you beautiful pleasure
I anticipate

The Faint Sun

2008-03-11T07:35:00.001-07:00

The faint sun, lit in the slow splashing waves of the sea, a pleasant day to be in the beach. With the sea breeze rustling my long jet black hair that it rhythmically flows together with the wind. The cool feel of the sand underneath together with the soft rolls of salt water tops the whole experience. Sitting at the shore watching and contemplating under the sun's retiring moment of the day, deep in thought, I was.

The Christmas Holidays is looming near and classes are reaching to an end, I barely took each day seriously as any 21 year-old would-be-mature-individuals should have. Chosen to attend a national convention that will be held in the country's capital, meeting new people, and the first chance to go away from all the usual holiday experiences—where I usually get frustrated making me wish the whole season to hurry and get it over with. I am excited.

Days passed unnoticed from the struggles of booking cheap plane tickets to nonstop follow-ups of solicitations enough to pay the registration, tickets, and other finances for the whole trip—a dreary experience unlike floating in midair. Fuzzy and unsure are my actions through it all, a continually-pinching-myself event to find out whether I'm just dreaming or what. Two days until the flight.

My flight is 3pm today and I want to see Bo before I go. "You can come here and help us after your class," I keyed in the illuminated LCD screen of my cellular phone at hand while talking with a friend in the pub office where I have been working until the break of dawn most of my college days. "Ok, I'll try," he sent back as reply leaving the longing to thrive. I quickly got back into folding the paper in my hand tucking it securely in a book while placing the cellular phone inside my bag with the other, a smile hanging on my face, having the assumption that he will surely come and say goodbye and I'm going to give it to him, the paper. Four hours before the flight.

Waiting until the last stretch of hour, the clock struck one. “I must go,” I thought. “I need to go or I’ll be late for my flight. “Bo’ll never come…This is supposed to be my last time seeing him.” I said my goodbyes to everyone with a heavy heart. “Bo didn't come.” I shrugged away the thought of him and made my way through the airport runway together with the crowd anxious, longing, and cold, walking toward the plane of fate untold.

"Girl, I sent Bo a message that you're already with us,” said Ro, one of my girl friends in the convention, when I entered the room getting a good book to pass time before the next speaker do her thing.

“He also told me not to teach you things 'coz you're still a child and I'm an addict," she added. She's one of the many whom I with Bo befriended when they came to our place, also for a convention. I was kind of shocked and wondered why he told her those things. I read the message to make certain, but still I don't know what made him say those. Is it because he thinks I'm a bit ignorant of things or is it because it’s something else….

My mind often wonders, fleeting back and forth to the thought of him, even with Ji’s sweet advances and gentlemanly acts to me in the course of the convention. I didn't mind him much, the guy who boldly confessed his affections to me before when we first met. He's cute and I like him, but I can't be myself with him. It seems as though I'm not me. I do what they expect me to do, the one thing I often do with almost everyone, and it’s a trait I greatly despise. I want to be myself, as I am with Bo.

After the whole convention, a party was held for all Guilders—the participants basically. We drink, eat, talk, debate, laugh, flirt, and cry. Smiles embedded in every picture taken, the camera shows, but beneath my smiles is a mixture of emotions. Sad for I'm leaving the Guilders by 8am, longing for supposedly one of the rare occasions of gathering all my courage to reveal something to Bo, and glad for the next day I’ll be seeing my family again at last.

"Mum, can I please go to the beach with some friends for our reunion?" Unfortunately, Mum wants me to stay home thinking that such friends in that reunion is not worth my time. I sadly turndown their offer to fetch me, reasoning that Mum needs a hand on some stuff at home. It worked though convincing them, pleased that now I'm actually honoring my mothers request unlike when we were younger. Also, Mum is pleased to see me stay home. I on the other hand am poignant. I try reading my books, to be productive but often Mum calls me to stay in our living room, wanting to make me watch television, wanting me to eat even if I don't want to, basically wanting to see my every activity. Caged, condemned, I am feeling. My only pleasure is when all the lights are out and I drown myself in the books I bought at a book sale from the trip. I thought of Bo in those books from time to time. "I still need to borrow Bo's book before graduation or it will be too late. I will not see him again. A loss of connection," I told myself while reading his Christmas text message, "…but you were still there…," he sent. I am happy.

Returning from the holidays, I took time sitting and reading the newspaper at the pub. Ni, the only friend who knew about my affection towards Bo, came in and sat next to me to write something. Unfortunate for both of us, we ended up sharing secrets. I wore tight shorts topped by a fashionable blouse with shades of blue and brown, trinkets of elaborate blue green and russet dangling earrings and brown anklet, match-up with blue sandals in two inched heels and brown shades holding my hair in place behind my ears. I told Ni about Bo's message thinking it meant something but unfortunately he also received the same one last Christmas. It is heartrending but I half expected it. So, I shove off the feeling and continued my reading. Feeling thirsty, I went outside to drink. Upon coming back, I stood next to Ni reading through the article he is writing. "Ei, you’re here," Bo suddenly called back from behind. I turned and he's already a foot away from me slowly enveloping my shoulders into his embrace. "You look like a movie star today," he whispered as I circled my arms around his waist embracing him in return. "Really? Thank you," I softly answered.

"Lo, from the people we work with, who in your opinion will you pick to match me?" Lo is my friend at work who declared to be my little sister. "Bo…I like you both together," she immediately answered. "Why so?" intrigued and curious if she noticed my affection to Bo in any way. "You both have chemistry. And I like it when your together it seems like both of you really enjoy being together." Bemused, amazed, and pleased, our conversation at my favorite coffee shop ended with her as the second person who knows my feelings for Bo while I'm left in cloud nine.

Briskly walking from class towards the pub then jogging to the office building for work is really a task to bear. Not to mention the heart-wrenching feeling made from the bloody proposal paper returned by our guileless teacher accusing our group to be lazy just because of an ignorant mistake made, I am stunned. Realizing that there was nothing I can get from the office, I walk listlessly back in the pub, Bo came. A little later he bade everyone farewell and made his way. In sudden volition, remembering something important to tell him, I called out to talk to him. "What are you going to do here?" wondering why we're now in front of the sea after feeding him the information I want to tell him. "I just wanna look at the waves," drawing a smile at the same time. I smiled at his simple pleasure. "Where are you going now?" Childishly answering back, "to eat. I'm going to eat lunch." "Where?" With puckered lips I said thoughtfully, "hmmm, no specific place in mind, somewhere downtown." We found ourselves walking with each others company, "let's go together then. I'm also going there to take a look at something."

Talking about different things along the way, the walk was short. "We're already near the shop. Have you decided where to eat? Sorry I can't eat with you." Spontaneous as the splashing of the waves, "I'm buying some coffee downstairs. Come." We went to the coffee shop stopping at the entrance to say goodbye and go his way. As he left, the pleasure slowly went into the drain. I felt the heaviness, thinking once again of my bloody proposal paper. The warmth and lightness he made was now dampened by longing and loneliness.

Solitary sitting at the center, I scribbled things in my planner, seeing through the red markings of my paper, and sipping a cold Americana when suddenly someone called me from nearby. Black and white cap, green shirt, brown shorts, and slippers, it was Bo, waving goodbye. I wave back smiling while sipping my coffee, delighted to see him before really leaving some place else. Immediately, I resume to what I am previously doing, contemplating. A moment later, again someone called. I looked up to see Bo, calling again. I wondered why he is still there. "Are you really going to eat your lunch there?" speaking a tone higher than before for me to hear him against the rushing people between us. "No, just having some coffee to keep me awake." He is now walking slowly nearer to me, quietly saying, "Let's eat together. Is it okay?" "I'm good," sipping the last drop of coffee off the glass. "And, if you don't mind, can you help me choose—a ring—upstairs? For second opinion," with his eyes smiling, how can I resist? But really I didn't mind.

We can't stop talking, or I can't stop talking with him. It seems as though I'm unconsciously being who I am when with Bo. Well saying this now, I can say I consciously am being who I am with him. He honors my opinions in deciding on the ring for him and praising my fashion ABC's on accessorizing even if it is merely my fashion instincts instructing it. We walk through the ladies wear section and I found a really cute brown halter top with a white spaghetti strapped blouse on one of the stands we are stopping. "I really like this, it's cute, though—." "It suites you," he said cutting my statement short. "Really?! I also got a picture taken wearing one. It's in my phone." "I saw it. It's also brown," I don't really know how to react. It made my cheeks warm though. He really likes doing things that amazes me.

"I really wonder why people just can't forget me easily. My teachers, even classmates I didn't know I had. Maybe I just do things differently, right?" "You have this trait that blocks out all others," he said thoughtfully with certainty as we were waiting for our orders. I didn't actually know how to answer him hearing those words though it once again warmed my cheeks and sounded off an alarm that immediately food was served giving me a way to put off the conversation. Our lunch is sprinkled with talks of each of our future especially his. I often ask and he answers. He amazes me of his acts of concern and care, making me feel special and a woman, "Be careful the soup's hot." It is a memory to be treasured, I decided.

"The book?" I answered back quizzically. "My friend still hasn't returned it, so if you like you can borrow this book first before the other. I assure you it's really a good book. You'll love it." Taking the book in his hand, looking at its cover, I was leaning against his table next to him. "Here, read the synopsis," turning the book over and reading aloud its synopsis. My mind is racing while he reads. "Connection, still I can see him," gladness filled my heart realizing this fact in mind. "I can still tell him, I can still give him the paper."

Days pass, its killing me, the pressure of schoolwork against everything that is to be done. We seldom see each other so I don't know how to give it to him or even say it. I never reveal my feelings to people I like. I never have told anyone my affections. I can't even directly say I love you to my own dad and now, risking all these memories I had treasured in the depths. What to do, I really don't know. What I know is just to give the paper and that is all. An idea came to me, “the book…I can insert the paper in the book upon returning it. Just like the book mark I gave on his birthday,”

"No, scrap that thought. I'll give it to him personally, letting him read the paper and then I'll leave him to remember and decide. That is what I am going to do and this will be the day," sitting on the benches watching men playing the usual afternoon soccer until the suns rays are enveloped by darkness, I am thinking.

"Bo, there is something I want to give you. Read it please. I just want you to read it," handing the paper I have been hiding for long from him, from me. I saw his eyes move from left to right, reading the story I have written. I saw the widening of his pupils as he read every word, drinking every thought and line, perusing. I don't know what will happen when he read the lines, "I don’t know if you remember, but I want to tell you that I…." He suddenly look at me with a gaze so strong, I looked away to the splashing of the waves.

"Ki, what are you thinking? You dazed out watching the sunset again," Bo said as his hands gently touched my left cheek, looking at me smiling as he lie on the sand with his head on my lap. "What are you thinking," he repeated. Clasping his hands in mine, I smiled down at him and gently pressed my lips on his warm hands with a light kiss, "I just thought about how it all started, the story I made, about us. What if I didn't—," He slipped his other hand unto my head, pushing me to lean slowly down at him. Cutting my sentence short, he let our lips touch and kissed with passion flourishing from within.

A light tap on my shoulder jerked me off my thoughts. “Ki, it’s already dark. You’ll get colds…here. Let’s go inside,” Bo handed me a towel to warm myself from the cold sea breeze as we walked towards the cottage under the beautiful starlit night.

Sweet Face

2008-02-23T10:39:00.002-08:00

Time pass so fast
I hadn't noticed
It will only be three months

When I can still look at that simple smile
When I can glimpse at those charming eyes
When I can still see that sweet face

This beautiful sight, I always reside

Can't come close to you
Can't say a word rather than "Hi."
Because she's always there by your side

Tell me if it's wrong to have fallen' for you

Sweet face
Your tender words I seek
For it lingers within, each moment of every day
Never ceasing and relieving

More than I could think of
I can never comprehend
To tell you in any way
You're the one for me
For all eternity